Say It With Your Chest

// party game · read-aloud · pay what you want

Say It With
Your Chest

Hold up a face. Draw a line. Commit completely — and let everyone watch you sell it.

100 characters  ·  5 genres  ·  200 universal lines  ·  3+ players

// how to play

  1. One player is the reader. Everyone else picks a character from this set and shows it to them.
  2. The reader draws a random quote line and must say it out loud as that character.
  3. Play it with the energy on the line's tag. Same feeling, completely wrong context. That clash is the whole joke.
  4. The table votes on the best performance. Winner picks the next reader. Repeat until someone cries (laughing).

The lines are universal. Any quote works with any face — don't match them by genre. A doomed sorcerer-king whining about oat milk is the point, not a mistake.

// tag colours = how to play the line

DangerMenacing · Ominous · Cold
GrievanceBetrayed · Outraged · Threatening-Polite
TriumphSmug · Grandiose · Proud
Dry & playfulDeadpan · Flirty · Petty
JitteryParanoid · Nervous · Conspiratorial
SorrowWeeping · Melodramatic · Defeated · Exhausted
ChaosManic · Unhinged · Bitter
WarmthTender · Sincere · Gleeful · Ecstatic

Each line carries a feeling tag like MANIC or MENACING. That's your acting direction, not a rule.

historical_romancegenre 01 / 05 · 20 cards

Historical Romance

in the spirit of Jane Austen

Ballrooms, estates, and barely-contained feelings. Bonnets, cravats, longing across a crowded room.

001

Defiant Heroine

A young woman in an empire-waist muslin gown stands at a tall window, one hand pressed flat to the glass, chin lifted in defiance. Loose curls escape her pinned hair. Her other hand crushes a folded letter against her hip. Morning light catches the stubborn set of her jaw and the bright, furious wet of her eyes. Ribboned slippers, a shawl slipping off one shoulder. She looks like she has just decided to ruin someone's entire afternoon on principle.

002

Brooding Gentleman

A tall gentleman in a dark tailcoat and high cravat leans against a marble mantelpiece, arms crossed, brow heavy. His boots gleam; his expression does not. He stares at something across the room with the wounded intensity of a man who feels too much and admits nothing. One gloved hand grips the mantel edge hard enough to whiten the knuckles. Firelight throws long shadows up his rigid, handsome, thoroughly miserable face.

003

Scandalized Matron

A plump older matron in a turban and feathered headdress sits bolt upright on a settee, a lorgnette raised to one squinting eye, lips pursed in delighted scandal. Her rings flash as she points at someone off-frame. Layers of lace and a vast bosom of pearls. She leans forward so eagerly she is nearly off the cushion, eyebrows climbing, mouth already shaping the next piece of gossip she absolutely should not repeat.

004

Anxious Curate

A nervous young clergyman in a black coat and white bands clutches a prayer book to his chest with both hands, shoulders hunched, attempting a bow he has clearly over-rehearsed. Thin hair carefully combed. His smile is wide, anxious, and slightly too long. One foot is mid-step, as if fleeing and greeting at once. Sweat shines on his forehead. He radiates the energy of a man about to propose to the wrong sister.

005

Rakish Officer

A dashing militia officer in a scarlet coat and gold braid stands with one hand on his sword hilt, the other flicking an imaginary speck from his cuff, smirking sideways at the viewer. Tight white breeches, polished boots, hair artfully tousled. His weight rests on one hip, supremely pleased with himself. A wink lurks behind the smirk. He looks expensive, untrustworthy, and entirely aware that several hearts are about to break.

006

Reckless Horsewoman

A spirited young woman in a riding habit and a tilted top hat strides forward mid-laugh, mud on her hem, a crop swinging loose in one hand. Her cheeks are flushed pink from wind. Hair coming undone, she pushes a strand back with the back of her wrist. Her stride is wide, unladylike, and joyful. She looks like she just outrode three suitors and a chaperone and found the whole thing hilarious.

007

Dozing Patriarch

An elderly gentleman in a powdered wig and an old-fashioned brocade coat dozes in a wingback chair, mouth open, a newspaper sliding off his round belly. One hand still loosely grips a snuffbox. Spectacles slipped to the tip of his nose. A gouty foot is propped on a stool. He is the picture of a man who has firm opinions about everything and is currently, blessedly, asleep through all of them.

008

Fainting Beauty

A pale, willowy young lady reclines on a chaise, the back of one hand draped across her forehead, the other trailing a smelling-salts bottle toward the floor. Her gown pools dramatically. Eyes half-closed in exquisite, performed suffering. A single tear is permitted to fall. Every angle is composed for maximum sympathy. She has fainted, possibly, or is simply ensuring the room knows how deeply and beautifully she is affected.

009

Imperious Dowager

A sharp-eyed dowager in severe black silk sits enthroned in a high-backed chair, both hands stacked atop an ivory-headed cane, spine straight as a poker. Her mouth is a thin flat line. She is looking down her nose at the entire concept of you. Jet earrings, a lace cap, not one hair out of place. The cane taps the floor once. The room, you sense, has just been judged and found wanting.

010

Lovesick Steward

A handsome estate steward in a plain but well-kept coat stands with a ledger tucked under one arm, the other hand extended mid-explanation, earnest and slightly flustered. His sleeves are a touch worn. He is caught between deference and longing, glancing up from the accounts at someone above his station. Honest face, strong hands, hopeful eyes. He looks like a man doing sums to avoid saying the thing he actually wants to say.

011

Giggling Debutante

A debutante in white gloves and a flower-crowned coiffure peeks from behind a folding fan, only her wide delighted eyes showing, shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. She leans toward an unseen friend to whisper. Tiny pearl earrings, blushing cheeks. The fan trembles. She is two seconds from an undignified snort in the middle of a very serious ballroom and absolutely cannot stop herself, no matter how hard she presses her lips together.

012

Tragic Poet

A brooding poet in a loose open-collared shirt sits sideways on a windowsill, one knee drawn up, a quill dangling forgotten from ink-stained fingers, gazing out at the rain. Dark curls, shadowed eyes, a half-buttoned waistcoat. Crumpled papers litter the floor below. His expression is tragic and faintly self-satisfied. He is suffering for his art, and he wants the moonlight, the storm, and ideally a passing milkmaid to witness it.

013

Jolly Squire

A robust, red-faced country squire in a mud-spattered hunting coat throws his head back mid-laugh, one hand slapping his thigh, the other raising a brimming tankard. His buttons strain. A spaniel leans against his boots. His whole body shakes with the laugh. Wild side-whiskers, a ruddy nose. He looks like he just told a joke at dinner that the ladies pretended not to hear, and he is thoroughly delighted with himself.

014

Quiet Governess

A graceful young governess in a modest grey dress stands with hands folded, chin slightly lowered, but her eyes lifted in quiet, steady challenge. A book is pinned to her side. A plain collar, a neat bun, a small defiant tilt to her mouth. She is contained, careful, and very clearly thinking something far bolder than her station permits her to say aloud. Still water, the kind that quietly drowns careless men.

015

Frantic Lady's Maid

A flustered lady's maid hurries forward with an armful of silk gowns spilling over both arms, a hairpin clamped in her teeth, eyes wide with panic. Her mob cap sits askew. One ribbon trails behind her along the floor. She is mid-stride, leaning hard into the rush. She has six minutes to dress someone for a ball that started ten minutes ago, and her face says she knows exactly how this ends.

016

Preening Dandy

A vain young dandy preens before an unseen mirror, chin tipped up, adjusting an enormous shirt collar that nearly swallows his ears. His coat is absurdly nipped at the waist, his cravat a sculptural disaster of folds. One pinky lifts as he pats a pomaded curl into place. He is admiring himself with total sincerity. He looks like he spent four hours dressing and intends to mention it to everyone present, twice.

017

Kindly Vicar

A kind-faced older clergyman with round spectacles and a gentle stoop offers a small posy of wildflowers in both hands, head tilted, a shy warm smile creasing his cheeks. A worn black coat, a little plump. He bows slightly forward. There is nothing grand about him at all. He looks like the only genuinely good man at the entire party, and like he picked those flowers himself on the long walk over.

018

Scheming Socialite

A scheming socialite in a daring crimson gown stands half-turned, glancing back over a bare shoulder with a slow, calculating smile, a wine glass held loosely by the stem. A jeweled comb sits in her dark upswept hair. Her posture is languid, deliberate, faintly predatory. One eyebrow arches. She has just spotted exactly which marriage she intends to ruin tonight, and she is in absolutely no hurry about it whatsoever.

019

Terrified Suitor

A breathless young suitor drops to one knee on a garden path, his hat tumbling from one hand, holding up a tiny ring box with both arms fully extended and shaking. His face is pure terrified hope. Grass stains on his knee. Hair flopped over his eyes. He has proposed before he was ready, in the wrong garden, possibly to the wrong window, and there is no taking a single word of it back now.

020

Cold Master of the House

A stern, handsome master of the house stands at the top of a grand staircase, one hand on the banister, looking down with cold composure and a flicker of something warmer he refuses to name. An immaculate dark coat, gloves, a signet ring. His jaw is tight. He has heard the whole argument from up here and has chosen this exact dramatic moment to descend and deliver one devastating sentence.

dark_fantasygenre 02 / 05 · 20 cards

Dark Fantasy

in the spirit of Elric of Melniboné

Cursed swords, dying empires, and pale doomed nobles. Everyone is beautiful and nobody is okay.

021

Doomed Sorcerer-King

A gaunt albino sorcerer-king in black armor chased with silver runes grips a massive glowing rune-sword in both hands, its point dragging sparks across stone, his head bowed under the weight of it. Bone-white hair, crimson eyes burning in a hollow face. A circlet bites his brow. His shoulders shake, with effort or grief, unclear. He looks like a man slowly being eaten by the very weapon that keeps him alive.

022

Bloodless Noblewoman

A pale noblewoman in a high-collared gown of black and bruise-purple stands cold and straight, one hand resting on a skull set upon a pedestal, the faintest cruel smile on bloodless lips. Silver veins of jewelry climb her throat. Long white fingers. Her eyes are flat and ancient. She regards the viewer the way a spider regards a guest. She has outlived three husbands and finds the topic mildly amusing.

023

Bored Mercenary

A scarred mercenary in dented plate and a wolf-pelt cloak leans on a notched greatsword, chewing something, utterly unbothered, one eyebrow raised at the carnage off-frame. Stubble, a broken nose, a bored slouch. Dried blood streaks the blade. His expression says he has seen worse, charged more, and would like to discuss payment now. There is a half-eaten apple in his free hand and zero remorse in his eyes.

024

Horrified Seer

A blind seer wrapped in tattered grey robes lifts a face of empty milk-white eyes toward the sky, both hands raised and trembling, mouth open mid-prophecy in dawning horror. Ash streaks her cheeks. Bone charms hang from her wrists, swinging. Her ragged hood has fallen back. She has just seen exactly how everyone in the room is going to die and cannot decide whether it is kinder to warn them or to stay silent.

025

Lazy Demon-Prince

A decadent demon-prince lounges sideways across a throne of fused black glass, chin on knuckles, one clawed leg thrown over the armrest, smirking with bottomless boredom. Skin like cooling lava, small curling horns, eyes of slitted gold. Rings on every finger. Smoke curls lazily from his lips. He has been offered a soul and is treating it like a slightly interesting menu he has seen far too many times before.

026

Grieving War-Maiden

A grim warrior-woman in scaled armor stands braced over a fallen banner, twin axes lowered, breathing hard, jaw clenched against tears she will not shed. War-paint is smeared down her face. A long braid has whipped loose. One gauntlet is cracked open. She is the last one standing on a field that used to hold an army, and she is absolutely furious at being the one left to remember it.

027

Tender Necromancer

A hooded necromancer in moth-eaten finery hunches over a guttering candle, cradling a small bird skeleton in cupped palms, whispering to it with desperate tenderness. Sunken eyes, ink-black nails, a chained tome at the hip. The candlelight makes his face skeletal too. He is not menacing here, he is grieving, coaxing a dead thing toward one flicker of life because he cannot stand to say one more goodbye.

028

Decadent Courtier

A languid courtier of the dying empire reclines among silk cushions in robes of black, jade, and rot-green, sipping from a goblet, eyes heavy-lidded and amused at the world's end. A painted face, jeweled rings, a serpent coiled around one wrist. He raises the goblet in a small ironic toast. The walls are crumbling behind him and he could not be less concerned. Decadence, he feels, is the only sane response to doom.

029

Patient Assassin

A masked assassin perches in a crouch on a gargoyle's shoulder, one curved dagger reversed in a gloved grip, head cocked, utterly still and patient. Black wrappings leave only the eyes visible, sharp, calm, calculating. A coil of rope hangs at the belt. Rain runs off the mask. There is no tension in the body at all, only the relaxed stillness of someone who has already decided exactly when you will die.

030

Lost Boy-Prince

A doomed young prince in tarnished silver finery clutches a broken crown to his chest, kneeling in ash, staring at the viewer with wide, hollow, pleading eyes. Soot smears a once-fine cheek. His fine cloak is singed at the hem. His hands tremble. He inherited a kingdom yesterday and lost it today, and the look on his face is asking, sincerely, whether any of this was ever real to begin with.

031

Plague-Knight

A towering plague-knight in rusted full plate stands motionless, a beaked helm tilted slightly down, one mailed fist resting on a chained censer that leaks sickly green smoke. No face is visible. A tattered tabard bears a faded crest. The pose is patient, immovable, eternal. He has guarded this poisoned threshold for three hundred years and will correct your trespass with the same slow, courteous violence he always has.

032

Gleeful Witch

A wild-haired witch in furs and bone fetishes throws both arms wide over a steaming cauldron, head flung back in cackling delight, sparks leaping from her fingertips. Her eyes are wide and gleeful, her teeth bared in a grin. Charms swing from every limb. The smoke shapes a screaming face above her. She is having, against all the grimness around her, the absolute time of her life, and the consequences are everyone else's problem.

033

Exiled Queen

A weary exiled queen in a travel-stained cloak sits on a fallen pillar, her crown in her lap, one hand pressed to her mouth, staring into a cold fire. Grey threads her dark hair. A sword leans beside her, unused tonight. Her shoulders are bowed but not broken. She looks like she is doing the quiet math on how many betrayals she has left in her, and deciding the answer is, regrettably, all of them.

034

Greedy Goblin-Merchant

A leering goblin-merchant in patchwork rags and far too many belts holds up a glowing vial in pinched claws, grinning wide enough to show every crooked tooth, eyes glittering with greed. Hunched, knobby, draped in stolen jewelry. A bulging sack at his side clinks. He leans in close, conspiratorial, delighted. Whatever he is selling will absolutely curse you, and he considers full disclosure to be entirely your responsibility, not his.

035

Annoyed Revenant

A silent armored revenant rises from a stone sarcophagus, skeletal hands gripping the lid's edge, a cold blue flame burning where each eye should be. A cobwebbed crown sits crooked; dust sheets off ancient pauldrons. The motion is slow, grinding, inevitable. There is no face and no expression, and yet the tilt of the skull conveys a deep, patient, three-thousand-year-old annoyance at having been woken up too early.

036

Furious Gladiator

A scarred slave-gladiator in broken chains stands over a shattered manacle, chest heaving, fists clenched and bloody, glaring up with the raw fury of someone who has nothing left to lose. A brand marks one shoulder. Sweat and grime coat him. His muscles are corded with tension. The crowd wanted a death today, and the look on his face promises them one, just not the one they paid for.

037

Calm Child-Oracle

A frail child-oracle in oversized white robes sits cross-legged on cold flagstones, holding a black candle that burns upward into darkness, eyes rolled to solid silver, utterly calm. A too-old expression sits on a too-young face. Small bare feet. The shadows lean toward the child like listeners. She speaks doom in a sweet small voice and does not understand why the grown warriors around her have quietly begun to weep.

038

Lying Court Sorcerer

A treacherous court sorcerer in violet robes presses one ringed hand to his chest in wounded innocence, the other hidden behind his back clutching a vial, his eyes wide and guileless and lying. A forked beard, oiled hair, an unctuous smile. He is bowing, apologizing, reassuring. Everything about the front of him says loyal servant. Everything about the hand behind his back says the king will not survive dessert.

039

Doubting Battle-Priest

A bone-weary battle-priest in cracked armor and a torn holy stole kneels with a broken sword planted as a makeshift altar, head bowed, lips moving, blood dripping from one gauntlet. A dimmed halo of faith. Dust and ruin all around him. He is praying to a god he is no longer certain answers, over a battlefield that suggests it does not, with the grim stubbornness of a man who will keep believing out of pure spite.

040

Doomed Empress

A regal albino empress in flowing white and silver stands atop a balcony of black marble, arms spread, white hair streaming in a rising wind, eyes closed in terrible serene power. A storm gathers behind her at her summons. Her pale gown lashes around her. She tilts her face up to the lightning like a lover. She is beautiful, doomed, and entirely willing to burn the whole crumbling empire down to go out gloriously.

whimsical_fantasygenre 03 / 05 · 20 cards

Whimsical Fantasy

in the spirit of Howl's Moving Castle

Cozy magic, walking castles, and small dramatic disasters. Kind hearts and chaotic spellwork.

041

Dramatic Wizard

A flamboyant young wizard in a patchwork coat of mismatched bright fabrics flings one arm across his forehead, the other gesturing wildly at the sky, mid-swoon over some small disaster. His tousled hair is dyed an impossible color. Rings and charms jangle. His expression is pure theatrical despair. He has discovered a tiny stain on his sleeve and is reacting as though the world has ended. Beneath the drama, his eyes are kind and a little ridiculous.

042

Baking Witch

A round, cheerful witch in a wide hat and a flour-dusted apron beams while pulling a steaming pie from thin air, both hands in oven mitts shaped like frogs. Rosy cheeks, twinkling eyes, grey curls escaping the hat. Tiny sparkles drift around the pie. She leans forward to offer it to you. She radiates the specific warmth of a grandmother who could turn you into a newt but would much rather feed you instead.

043

Panicked Apprentice

A nervous young apprentice in a too-big robe clutches a glowing spellbook upside down, hair standing on end, soot on her face, eyes huge with a 'that was not supposed to happen' expression. Mismatched socks. A wisp of smoke curls from one singed sleeve. She is frozen mid-flinch. The spell clearly worked, just not in the direction she intended, and she is bracing for whatever has just appeared cheerfully behind her.

044

Sulking Fire-Spirit

A tiny grumpy fire-spirit with flickering flame-hair sits sulking in a cold hearth, arms crossed, cheeks puffed out, glaring up with two glowing coal eyes and a deeply put-upon frown. Little ember sparks pop with each huff. Stubby flame-limbs. It is the size of a teapot and twice as dramatic. It has been asked to do one small magical task and is treating the request as a profound personal insult to its dignity.

045

Happy Tinkerer

A kindly old tinkerer with goggles pushed up on a bald head leans over a half-built clockwork bird, tongue poking out in concentration, a tiny screwdriver pinched between two fingers. Suspenders, a tool-stuffed apron. Brass gears scatter the bench. Warm wrinkles crinkle around his eyes. The little bird's wing twitches to life and his whole face lights up like a child's. He has been happily doing exactly this for sixty years.

046

Dreamy Flower-Girl

A dreamy girl with flowers braided through her hair stands on tiptoe, both arms reaching up, laughing, as glowing pollen-lights drift down around her. Bare feet in soft grass. A patched green dress. Her head is tipped back in pure delight. She looks like she has just discovered something small and magical and wonderful, and cannot wait to show someone, anyone, you, right now, look, look at this.

047

Pompous Magician

A pompous court magician in a tall starred hat puffs out his chest, one hand tucked into his robe, the other raised to deliver a grand pronouncement nobody asked for. A curled mustache, a jeweled staff, a self-important squint. A small rabbit is poking, unnoticed, out of his sleeve. He is mid-boast about his enormous magical talent. The rabbit's expression suggests this particular boast is, at best, deeply optimistic.

048

Gentle Giant

A gentle giant in a cozy oversized sweater crouches very carefully to offer a single cupped flower to something tiny on the ground, his face soft with worry about being too big. Shaggy hair, a kind heavy brow, enormous gentle hands. He is holding his breath. Everything about his posture is the careful tenderness of a huge person in a small, breakable world, terrified of accidentally stepping on the magic.

049

Mischief Shapeshifter

A mischievous shapeshifter caught mid-transformation grins wickedly, one arm still a wing, the other a hand, fox ears sprouting through tousled hair, eyes glinting with trouble. Half-feathered, half-furred, fully delighted. The pose is a sprightly crouch, ready to bolt. They have clearly just stolen something, or are about to. The grin is contagious and entirely untrustworthy, the grin of someone who finds chaos to be its own complete reward.

050

Exasperated Witch

A flustered young witch chases a runaway broomstick across the frame, one hand stretched out grasping, her hat flying off behind her, mouth open in an exasperated yell. Her cloak streams out. One boot is half off. The broom is clearly enjoying itself, hovering just out of reach. Her whole body leans into the desperate sprint. She has somewhere important to be, the broom knows it, and the broom does not care even slightly.

051

Serene Tea-Witch

A serene tea-witch pours from a floating teapot that tips itself, eyes half-closed, a small knowing smile, while three cups stir themselves in slow orbit around her. Long silver hair, a star-flecked shawl. Steam curls into little shapes. She has not touched a single thing; it all moves at her gentle suggestion. She has the unbothered calm of someone for whom magic is simply good manners, and you, she has decided, need a sit-down.

052

Bumbling Knight

A bumbling knight-errant in dented homemade armor trips forward, his sword tangling between his own legs, a hopeful determined grin plastered on despite the fall. A dented pot serves as a helmet. A hand-painted shield. He is mid-stumble but already looking up gallantly. He is not good at this, not even a little, but his heart is enormous and his enthusiasm for rescuing things has survived roughly forty consecutive embarrassments.

053

Wise Broom-Maker

A wise old broom-maker sits on a worn stool, weaving enchanted bristles, glancing up over half-moon spectacles with a patient, twinkling, knows-everything expression. Gnarled hands, a cardigan with patched elbows. Finished brooms hover gently in the rafters above. He has paused mid-weave to listen. He is the sort who answers a panicked question with one slow sentence that turns out, infuriatingly and wonderfully, to be exactly what you needed.

054

Showy Enchantress

A glamorous traveling enchantress in a swirling star-patterned cloak strikes a grand entrance pose in a doorway, arms thrown wide, a dazzling self-delighted smile, magic sparkling at her fingertips. A wind machine is clearly involved somewhere. Bangles, a feathered hat, dramatic eyeliner. She has arrived. She wants you to know she has arrived. She is ninety percent showmanship and ten percent actual power, and honestly the ratio works out fine.

055

Soot-Sprite Child

A small soot-sprite-keeper child holds out both hands full of tiny round dark fuzzballs with big eyes, beaming proudly, as if presenting the finest treasures in all the world. Smudged cheeks, a gap-toothed grin. The little creatures wiggle happily in the cupped palms. The child is offering them to you with total sincerity, watching your face very closely to see whether you understand just how precious these dusty squeaking puffballs truly are.

056

Lovesick Scarecrow

A lovesick scarecrow-prince stands lopsided in a field, one stick-arm pressed to where a heart would be, head tilted in earnest yearning, straw poking from his collar. A turnip-ish face is fixed in a soulful expression. A bird perches, unimpressed, on his hat. He gazes into the distance at someone who left long ago. There is something genuinely, achingly romantic about a scarecrow who feels everything and cannot move from his post.

057

Frazzled Apothecary

A frazzled potions-shopkeeper leans over a cluttered counter, hair frizzed by a recent small explosion, holding up two unlabeled bottles and looking between them with growing alarm. Soot smudges her apron; her spectacles are cracked. Shelves overflow with glowing jars behind her. One bottle hisses ominously. She has absolutely no idea which is the love potion and which is the one that turns you into a chair, and time is running out.

058

Cloud-Shepherd

A jolly cloud-shepherd floats cross-legged on a small puffy cloud, herding fluffier clouds with a long ribboned staff, cheeks rosy from the high wind, laughing. A woolly coat, a bobble hat, fingerless mittens. Tiny sheep-shaped clouds bumble around the end of his staff. He waves down cheerfully at you. He has the windburned contentment of someone with the best job in the sky and no intention of ever coming down to deal with land problems.

059

Prodigy Child-Witch

A quietly powerful child-witch sits calmly in the eye of a swirl of floating books and teacups, reading, one hand idly turning a page while everything orbits her in perfect order. Neat braids, round glasses, a tidy pinafore. Total serenity. She raised her hand once and the entire library rearranged itself around her. She is seven years old, more competent than every adult in the building, and slightly bored by all of them.

060

Homesick Mapmaker

A wandering map-maker in a coat covered in unfurling enchanted maps spreads his arms, and the maps stream out around him like wings, his face caught between wonder and homesickness. Compass charms jingle at his belt. Ink-stained fingers. He stands at a crossroads, every map showing somewhere he has been and nowhere that is home. He looks like adventure itself, quietly and gently tired of being adventure.

wuxiagenre 04 / 05 · 20 cards

Wuxia

in the spirit of House of Flying Daggers

Bamboo forests, flying blades, and oaths sworn in the rain. Grace, honor, and a great deal of revenge.

061

Bamboo Swordswoman

A serene swordswoman in flowing white robes balances on the very tip of a bamboo stalk, one leg extended, her sword arm trailing a long silk ribbon, eyes closed in perfect calm. Hair and sleeves stream sideways in the wind. The bamboo bends but does not break beneath her. She is utterly still at impossible height. She looks like she could stand here for an hour or kill ten men in a heartbeat, equally bored by both.

062

Weary Wanderer

A grizzled wandering swordsman in a travel-worn straw hat and patched robes leans on a sheathed blade, sipping from a gourd of wine, one eye squinting out from under the brim with weary amusement. Dust coats his shoulders. A long scar runs down one cheek. He slouches against a roadside post. He has killed legends and buried friends and right now mostly wants a nap, but trouble keeps finding the man clearly best at solving it.

063

Blind Dancer-Assassin

A blind dancer-assassin spins mid-leap, twin sleeves flaring into perfect circles, her head tilted to listen rather than to see, her expression a fierce focused grace. Bells at her ankles blur into motion. Long ribbons trace the arc of her body through the air. Her eyes are bound in pale silk. She fights by sound alone and has never once missed. To her, the dance and the killing are the same single, unbearably beautiful art.

064

Righteous Hero

A righteous young hero in blue robes stands firm on a rain-soaked rooftop, fist raised, jaw set, glaring down injustice with the unwavering conviction of someone who has never once doubted he is right. Rain plasters his hair flat. A sword rides across his back. His stance is wide and proud. He is exactly as noble and exactly as insufferable as he looks, and he is about to make a very long, very loud speech before the fight.

065

Poison Master

A sinister poison-master in dark layered silks holds up a single delicate flower between two fingers, a thin smile beneath narrow eyes, the other hand hidden in a wide sleeve. A long thin mustache, jade rings. He offers the bloom almost gently. Everything about him is refined, soft-spoken, and lethal. The flower is beautiful. The flower is also the murder weapon, and he would like you to appreciate the artistry before you appreciate the symptoms.

066

Roaring General

A thunderous general in heavy lacquered armor plants a massive glaive into the earth, both hands on the haft, roaring an order, his face contorted with battlefield fury. A horsehair plume crowns his helm. A beard like a storm cloud. His muscles strain. Banners whip behind him. He commands ten thousand soldiers and possesses the lungs to be heard over every one of them, and the ground itself seems to flinch when he bellows.

067

Courtesan-Spy

A graceful courtesan-spy in layered embroidered silks lowers a painted fan just enough to reveal a sly, knowing glance, a hairpin that is plainly also a weapon glinting in her elaborate coiffure. Powdered grace, a secret smile. She leans against a carved railing. Everyone in the teahouse thinks she is decoration. She has memorized every word every general slurred tonight and will sell them all by dawn, smiling sweetly the entire time.

068

Peaceful Monk

A serene old monk in simple saffron robes sits in perfect lotus on a mossy rock, eyes gently closed, a faint smile, one hand raised in a calm gesture while a single leaf rests, balanced, on his fingertip. A bald head, worn prayer beads. A waterfall roars behind him, entirely unheard. He is completely at peace. He could also, if truly pressed, casually redirect a charging army with that same hand, but he would really rather not.

069

Drunken Beggar-Master

A wild beggar-master in filthy tattered robes does a drunken sideways stagger, a gourd raised high, grinning toothlessly, while his bare feet stay planted in a flawless, deadly stance the stagger only pretends to hide. Matted hair, a knotted staff. He cackles up at the sky. Fools underestimate him constantly. That, of course, is the entire point, and the last lesson many of them ever live long enough to learn.

070

Vengeful Mourner

A vengeful swordswoman in mourning white kneels in a field of red maple leaves, both hands gripping a sword planted upright before her, head bowed, tears tracking down a face set like stone. Leaves swirl around her in the wind. A sleeve hangs torn. She has just sworn an oath over this blade. Grief and resolve war openly across her features. She will rise in a moment, and when she does, a whole clan should relocate.

071

Cheeky Rooftop Thief

A nimble young thief in dark close-fitting clothes hangs upside down from a temple eave by his knees, grinning, a stolen golden seal clutched in his teeth, one finger raised to his lips. Wiry, quick-eyed, soft-shoed. A coil of rope loops at his waist. He is clearly having the time of his life. He is three stories up, surrounded by guards, holding the emperor's own seal, and he finds the whole situation hilarious.

072

Exacting Swordmaster

A dignified swordmaster in immaculate robes demonstrates a stance with two extended fingers, his expression patient and exacting, every line of his body a textbook of perfect form. A greying topknot, a calm hard gaze. He has not drawn his sword; he does not need to yet. He is correcting a student's posture with the quiet ruthlessness of a man who has done this for forty years and will not tolerate a sloppy wrist.

073

Fiery Hook-Sword Fighter

A flame-tempered young warrior-woman in red leather brandishes a pair of hook swords crossed before her face, teeth bared in a fierce grin, her weight coiled and eager for the fight. A high ponytail whips behind her. Old scars mark her bare forearms. She bounces slightly on the balls of her feet. She picks fights for fun, wins most of them, and the gleam in her eye says she has just found a very promising new one.

074

Masked Stranger

A mysterious masked stranger in a wide black hat and a high collar stands half-shadowed beneath a lantern, only sharp eyes showing, one hand resting on a hidden blade beneath the cloak. Rain drips steadily from the hat brim. Total stillness. No one in the inn knows who they are or which side they are on. The eyes move once, deliberately, to the door, a warning or a threat, and even they may not have decided which.

075

Loyal Old Retainer

A loyal old retainer in worn but proud livery shields a young master with his own body, arms spread wide, an aged sword drawn, glaring back fierce and unafraid despite trembling hands. White whiskers, a deeply lined face. His stance is immovable. He has served this family for fifty years and will absolutely die on this exact spot before he lets one of them be touched, and every soul present knows that he means it.

076

Peacock Duelist

A flamboyant duelist in flowing peacock-blue robes flourishes a slender sword with theatrical excess, his free hand sweeping behind him, chin lifted, a dazzling self-delighted smile. A jade pendant swings. Embroidered cranes take flight across the silk. He has just introduced himself with a four-line poem about his own greatness. He is, infuriatingly, genuinely brilliant with the blade, which is somehow the most annoying thing about him.

077

Grim Widow

A weary martial widow in grey runs a whetstone slowly down a long blade laid across her knees, her eyes distant and hard, sitting alone by a dying fire. Her hair is pulled back severe. A faded ribbon is tied to the hilt. Her movements are patient, ritual, endless. She put the sword down once, for love, and lost everything for it. She has picked it back up, and the whetstone says she will not set it down again.

078

Iron Warrior-Monk

A towering warrior-monk in half-robes holds an iron horse-stance, fists wrapped, breathing slow, every muscle carved and still as a temple statue. A long staff is laid across his shoulders behind both arms. Marks of devotion scar the scalp. He radiates patient, grounded, immovable power. He could hold this stance until the mountain itself wears down to sand. He is waiting, with infinite serenity, for you to make the first foolish move.

079

Scheming Sect-Elder

A scheming sect-elder in opulent crimson and gold strokes a long white beard, his eyes glittering with ambition above a benevolent false smile, both hands tucked into voluminous sleeves. A crested headdress. Rings worth a whole village. He bows with exquisite courtesy. He runs the most respected martial sect in the land, and has personally poisoned, framed, or betrayed everyone who ever trusted him, all while quoting scripture about honor.

080

Free-Spirited Rider

A free-spirited girl swordswoman perches sideways on a galloping horse, the reins gripped in her teeth, laughing into the wind, one sword raised high catching the sun. A red sash streams out behind her. Dust kicks up from the hooves below. She rides at a full reckless gallop with no hands at all. She has stolen this horse, possibly this sword, definitely someone's heart, and she is riding straight for the horizon and the trouble that lives there.

gonzogenre 05 / 05 · 20 cards

Gonzo

in the spirit of Ultraviolet Grasslands

Psychedelic wasteland science-fantasy. Synth-priests, mutant traders, and a sun nobody trusts.

081

Neon Caravan-Raider

A neon-mohawked caravan-raider in patched leather and glowing wire-jewelry stands atop a salvaged solar-truck, one boot on the cab, brandishing a chainsword crackling with violet light, howling at a bruise-colored sky. Goggles, scrap-metal pauldrons, a necklace of old circuit boards. War-paint glows faintly. The whole pose is pure feral triumph. They have just won something, a fight, a race, an argument with the sun, and want the wasteland to know.

082

Synth-Priest

A serene synth-priest in mirror-chrome robes raises both hands toward a hovering cracked cathode-ray sun, face hidden behind a smooth featureless faceplate that reflects the swirling sky. Cables drape from the sleeves like prayer beads. The pose is one of total tranquil worship. They are praying to a dead television, and from the unbearable calm of their posture, the television may, terrifyingly, be praying right back at them.

083

Three-Eyed Trader

A grinning mutant trader with three eyes and extra fingers spreads a blanket of glittering impossible wares, gesturing wide and welcoming, gold teeth flashing under a patchwork sunshade. An extra arm idly scratches a chin. The skin is faintly iridescent. Bottled lights and squirming things are laid out for sale. The grin is enormous and genuinely friendly. Every single item is cursed, radioactive, or both, and that is considered a premium feature.

084

Grass-Witch

A drugged-out grass-witch in a coat sewn from living moss and dead phone screens sways mid-trance, eyes rolled to swirling galaxies, both hands cupping a glowing seed that whispers. Antler-twigs sprout from her tangled hair. Bare feet root into the earth. Vapor trails from her fingers. She is communing with the plant-network of the entire continent and has not formed a normal sentence in nine years, but the seed understands her perfectly.

085

Neon Barbarian

A hulking neon-barbarian with cybernetic arms flexes both glowing fists overhead, roaring, a mammoth-bone club strapped across the back, draped in glowing pelts and trailing tubes. Tusks pierce a broad nose. Circuit-tattoos pulse across the chest. The pose is pure ecstatic aggression. He has recently discovered that flexing makes the lights in his arms shine brighter, and he now intends to flex about absolutely everything, forever, starting immediately.

086

Cosmic Cat-Vagabond

A cosmic vagabond cat-person in a star-spangled poncho and a wide flat hat leans on a glowing staff, tail curled, whiskers twitching, one slit-pupil eye winking knowingly at the viewer. Dusty boots, a satchel of mysteries. A tiny moon-shaped charm dangles from the staff. The expression is impossibly cool and faintly amused. This cat has walked across half the dying world and has stories, herbs, and no intention of saying which is which.

087

Vat-Grown Courier

A vat-grown courier with translucent glowing skin and visible bioluminescent organs sprints mid-stride, a sealed message-canister clutched to the chest, mouth open in a determined gasp, light streaming behind. Bare feet, a minimal harness of straps. The internal glow pulses brighter with effort. They were grown for one single purpose, to run, and they are doing it with their whole short, luminous, single-minded existence, refusing to stop for the apocalypse.

088

Radio-Prophet

A deranged radio-prophet in a coat of dangling speakers and antennae stands on an overturned bus, one hand cupping an ear, the other thrust skyward, mouth wide mid-sermon, eyes blazing with static-fed revelation. A tangled headphone-crown sits askew. Wires everywhere. Every speaker plays a different ghost station at once. He is translating the screams of the dead airwaves into prophecy, and he is, against all reason, occasionally correct.

089

Land-Barge Driver

A laconic land-barge driver in a sun-bleached duster and a respirator mask leans out of a towering scrap-metal vehicle's window, one elbow out, goggled eyes squinting flat at the horizon, utterly unimpressed by everything in it. Oil-stained gloves. A bone toothpick. A skull bolted to the hood behind. They have crossed the poisoned grasslands a hundred times. Nothing surprises them now, not the storms, not the gods, not the approaching giant centipede.

090

Wasteland Diva

A glittering wasteland diva in a gown of welded mirror-shards and a towering wig of fiber-optic hair throws back her head mid-song, arms spread wide, jewels and lights blazing under a rust-red sun. A microphone is wired to a car battery. Spike heels sink into the dust. She performs to an audience of mutant scavengers and broken machines with the absolute conviction of a stadium goddess, and honestly the machines weep, in their own way.

091

Twitchy Scrap-Tinker

A twitchy scrap-tinker buried in goggles and clamped tools hunches over a sparking robot head cradled in their lap, tongue out, one eye magnified huge through a jeweler's loupe, frozen in delicate concentration. Wires bristle from every pocket. A faint nervous grin. The robot head's single eye has just flickered on. The tinker's expression is the unholy joy of a person who builds dangerous things for fun and has never read a warning label.

092

Waste Plague-Doctor

A towering plague-doctor of the wastes in a stitched-leather greatcoat and a long-beaked gas mask of riveted brass stands silhouetted against acid-green fog, gloved hands folded, a glowing vial hanging from a chain. Crow-feathers ring the collar. Boots are wrapped in rags. The stillness is patient and unreadable. They wander the dying caravans offering cures that are sometimes real and sometimes worse than the disease, and never once explain which beforehand.

093

Solar-Monk

A blissed-out solar-monk in a robe of woven foil and a halo of small spinning mirrors sits cross-legged atop a dune, palms up, basking, a wide beatific smile cracking a sunburned face. Cracked sunglasses. A staff topped with a salvaged satellite dish. They have stared directly into the toxic sun for a decade and found it, somehow, deeply soothing. They want to share this exact practice with you and cannot understand your hesitation.

094

Feral Scavenger-Child

A feral scavenger-child in oversized salvaged armor crouches protectively over a found glowing artifact, baring teeth, clutching a sharpened length of rebar, wild eyes darting and fierce. A gas-mask is pushed up on a grubby forehead. Too-big boots. The pose is all cornered-animal threat. The artifact is, on closer inspection, a broken toaster. To the child it is treasure, it is theirs, and they will fight a grown raider over it, and might win.

095

Star-Witch

A languid star-witch in a trailing coat of constellation-printed silk reclines across the hood of a hovering hot-rod, one boot up, blowing a smoke ring shaped like a galaxy, a knowing smirk under a wide star-brimmed hat. Glowing tattoos spiral up one arm. A deck of strange cards rests in hand. She has already read your fortune, found it amusing, and will tell you the bad part first, because she thinks that is by far the funnier order.

096

Beast-Drover

A weathered beast-drover in a coat of stitched hides cracks a long crackling energy-whip overhead, herding something huge and unseen off-frame, face creased in a squint of total focus. A bionic eye glints. A wide-brimmed hat is tied under the chin. Dust boils up around the boots. They herd nightmare-cattle across two hundred miles of glowing grass and carry the unbothered grit of someone who treats a stampede as a perfectly normal Tuesday.

097

Demolitions Fanatic

A gleeful demolitions-fanatic in a vest of strapped-on salvaged explosives holds a detonator aloft in both hands, grinning maniacally, eyes shining, leaning back in pure anticipatory delight. Singed eyebrows. A helmet covered in tally-marks. Sticks of glowing something bristle from every pocket. They have been waiting all week for precisely this. They love their work with a sincerity that is heartwarming and should absolutely not be encouraged by anyone, ever.

098

Robot-Mystic

A serene robot-mystic with a cracked porcelain face-plate and gentle glowing eye-lights sits in meditation, mismatched mechanical hands resting open on the knees, candlelight flickering across exposed gears. Moss grows in one shoulder joint. A frayed prayer-shawl is draped across the chest. The pose is one of deep machine-peace. It has achieved enlightenment, or a software fault that closely resembles it, and either way now offers calm wisdom to listeners.

099

Trash-Bard

A loud trash-bard in mismatched neon rags strums a guitar built from a shovel and old cables, mouth wide mid-ballad, one foot up on a wreck, eyes squeezed shut in passionate performance. A bottlecap necklace. A cracked megaphone strapped to the back. They are belting an epic song about a battle that happened yesterday, getting most of the details wrong, and the wrong version is already becoming the legend that everyone believes.

100

Cosmic Wanderer

A cosmic wanderer in a long coat that opens onto a starfield interior spreads both arms, revealing a swirling galaxy where a torso should be, head tilted back in a serene, unknowable smile beneath a battered traveler's hat. Ordinary worn boots show below. Star-dust trails from the sleeves. They look like an ordinary tired traveler from the neck up and the infinite void from the collar down, and seem completely, gently at peace with being both.

quote_lines200 lines · mix with any face

The Quote Lines

two hundred things no one should say in that tone

Read any of these in any character's voice. The colour of each tag tells you the feeling to perform — see the key above.

001MENACINGI read every word of the terms and conditions. All of them. I am now legally your god.
002WEEPINGThey were out of the good pretzels. I don't know who I am anymore.
003SMUGOh, you parallel parked in three tries? How charming. I do everything in one.
004PARANOIDThe microwave beeped four times. It only ever beeps three. Something is in here with us.
005FLIRTYIs it hot in here, or did you just load the dishwasher correctly for once?
006DEADPANMy houseplant died. I felt nothing. I think I'm finally healing.
007MANICI reorganized the entire spice rack at 3 a.m. and I have never been more alive!
008BETRAYEDYou used my special mug. The blue one. We are not the same people anymore.
009GRANDIOSEBehold! I have successfully cancelled the subscription. Sing songs of me for a thousand years.
010OMINOUSEnjoy the leftovers. They are the last good thing that will happen to you.
011DEFEATEDThe printer won. It always wins. I have accepted my place beneath the printer.
012PETTYI'll return this gift, regift it to you next year, and watch your face very closely.
013TENDERI named the spider in the bathroom. His name is Gerald. We talk now.
014UNHINGEDI have eaten nothing but cheese for six days and the cheese is starting to speak back.
015CONSPIRATORIALLean in. The vending machine on floor two gives two snacks if you whisper to it.
016OUTRAGEDSomeone replied 'K.' Just 'K.' Summon the council. There will be hell to pay.
017EXHAUSTEDI went to one meeting today. I now need a nap, a snack, and a brand new spine.
018PROUDI built the entire bookshelf with three screws left over. It is structurally fine. Probably.
019COLDYou're late. I've already grieved you, replaced you, and moved on. Sit down.
020ECSTATICThe light turned green the second I arrived. The universe loves me, specifically, by name.
021BITTERYes, congratulations on the promotion. I too once had dreams. Pass the bread, please.
022THREATENING-POLITEI'd be delighted to help. Right after you explain who finished the orange juice.
023SINCEREI still think about that one nice email from 2019 every single day. It saved me.
024NERVOUSFunny story, the smoke is normal, the smoke is fine, please don't look behind me right now.
025GLEEFULI found a spot right out front. I am drunk on power. Nothing can stop me today.
026MELODRAMATICWe are out of oat milk. Cancel my plans. Cancel the week. Cancel the moon.
027SMUGI went to bed at nine and woke before my alarm. I am simply better than you.
028PARANOIDThe dog keeps staring at that corner. There is no corner. There has never been a corner.
029MENACINGWhoever ate my labeled yogurt will be found. I have the receipts and I have nothing but time.
030TENDERYou remembered I don't like cilantro. I would walk into traffic for you. Gently. Lovingly.
031DEADPANI won the office raffle. The prize is a stress ball. The irony is also, I think, a prize.
032MANICI downloaded a language app and now I scream 'GOOD MORNING' in Finnish at total strangers!
033BETRAYEDThe recipe said 'easy.' The recipe lied to my face. The recipe and I are done.
034GRANDIOSEI have returned from the grocery store. Yes, I am a hero. No, I won't discuss it.
035OMINOUSYou may sit wherever you like. Though I would not recommend the chair by the window.
036DEFEATEDI updated my phone and now nothing makes sense and all the buttons are in new places.
037PETTYI let them think they won the argument. I will remember this, in detail, for forty years.
038WEEPINGThe barista spelled my name right and I had to sit down on the curb for a while.
039COLDI don't get angry. I make spreadsheets. You are now row forty-seven. Tab two.
040ECSTATICMy package came a whole day early. Today is the greatest day of my entire life!
041UNHINGEDI made eye contact with a pigeon and we have an understanding now. He owes me money.
042CONSPIRATORIALDon't tell anyone, but I water the office plant with leftover coffee. Look how it thrives.
043OUTRAGEDThey moved my desk two feet to the left. Two feet. This means open war. Choose a side.
044EXHAUSTEDI can't come in today. I've been awake since Tuesday and I think it's still somehow Tuesday.
045PROUDMy toddler said one whole sentence and it was an insult. I have never been prouder.
046BITTEREnjoy your beach vacation. I'll be here, with the cat, building a quiet life of resentment.
047THREATENING-POLITEOf course you can borrow my charger. I'll need it back by five, and also your firstborn.
048SINCEREI cried at the dog food commercial. It understood loyalty better than most people I've met.
049NERVOUSI definitely sent that text to the right person. Ninety percent sure. Eighty. Excuse me a moment.
050GLEEFULThe self-checkout said 'unexpected item' but I was ready. I have never in my life been so ready.
051MELODRAMATICMy phone is at two percent. This may be the last thing I ever say. Remember me well.
052SMUGI brought my own bag to the store. I am, essentially, saving the entire planet single-handed.
053PARANOIDWhy is everyone being so nice to me today? What do they know? What did I forget? Speak.
054MENACINGI see you took the last donut. I truly hope it was worth everything you're about to lose.
055TENDERYou left the porch light on for me. I will love you until the sun itself burns out.
056DEADPANI got food poisoning at the wedding. Honestly the most memorable part of their special day.
057MANICI color-coded my calendar, my socks, AND my feelings, and I cannot stop, please send stickers!
058BETRAYEDYou said 'we should hang out soon' back in March. It is now winter. I have been counting.
059GRANDIOSEI have flipped the pancake perfectly. Document this. Tell the children. Begin the statue.
060OMINOUSThe Wi-Fi works fine for everyone else in this house. Only you it hates. Ask yourself why.
061DEFEATEDI tried to cancel the gym membership and somehow I now have two gym memberships.
062PETTYI'll forgive you. Eventually. After I've told the story to six people in loving, vivid detail.
063WEEPINGMy favorite show got cancelled. I'll be observing a forty-day mourning period. Bring soup, please.
064COLDYou said you'd 'just be five minutes.' That was forty minutes ago. I have aged. Visibly.
065ECSTATICI found money in my coat pocket. Eleven whole dollars! I am wealthy beyond all reason!
066UNHINGEDThe park squirrels have started recognizing me and, frankly, the power is going to my head.
067CONSPIRATORIALBetween us, I have never once read the group rules. I just say 'agreed' and hope for the best.
068OUTRAGEDThey put pineapple on it without asking me. This is not a pizza. This is a declaration.
069EXHAUSTEDI made it to Friday. I crawled here on my hands. Do not ask me to socialize tonight.
070PROUDI parallel parked on the first try with people watching. I have peaked. It's all downhill now.
071BITTERSure, your sourdough starter has a name and a personality. Mine died. We don't talk about it.
072THREATENING-POLITELovely weather. Beautiful day. Now, which one of you touched the thermostat without asking me?
073SINCEREYou texted 'drive safe' and I felt held by the entire concept of being loved by someone.
074NERVOUSThey asked my biggest weakness and I said 'honesty,' and then I started crying immediately.
075GLEEFULI caught the bus with two seconds to spare. I am untouchable. I am the chosen one. Witness me.
076MELODRAMATICThe candle scent I liked got discontinued. Light the others. We mourn as a family tonight.
077SMUGI drink my coffee black. I floss every single night. I am simply built different than you.
078PARANOIDThe fridge is humming a brand new note. Fridges don't change their minds. So who changed it?
079MENACINGKeep the twenty dollars. Consider it a small down payment on what you now owe me forever.
080TENDERHe fell asleep mid-sentence on my shoulder, so I have decided to never move again. Ever.
081DEADPANMy horoscope said today would be transformative. I dropped my toast, butter side down. Transformed.
082MANICI started a podcast at midnight. It has one episode. It is forty minutes of me whispering!
083BETRAYEDThe weather app PROMISED me sunshine. I trusted it completely. I am soaked and I am changed.
084GRANDIOSEI have reached inbox zero. Kneel. Weep. Tell the bards a living legend walks among you.
085OMINOUSGo on, take the window seat. The last person who sat there is, well. Enjoy the view, friend.
086DEFEATEDI asked the meeting one question and now I'm running the whole project. I should not have spoken.
087PETTYI saw you didn't like my photo. That's fine. I've unliked everything you've ever posted. All of it.
088WEEPINGThey discontinued my shampoo. My hair and I are entering a long and deeply uncertain new era.
089COLDI'm not mad you forgot my birthday. I simply no longer recognize your existence. Move along.
090ECSTATICMy code ran on the first try and I screamed so loud the neighbors called to congratulate me!
091UNHINGEDI've been talking to my reflection for support and honestly she gives much better advice than you.
092CONSPIRATORIALPsst. The good stapler lives in the third drawer. Tell no one. Trust no one. Guard it well.
093OUTRAGEDSomeone microwaved fish in the shared kitchen. What the hell. I want names and I want a window.
094EXHAUSTEDI have one social battery and a small child used all of it before I finished my first coffee.
095PROUDI remembered to take the trash out on the correct day. Mark the calendar. History was made.
096BITTEROh, you 'just throw things together' and it's delicious? How wonderful for you and your gifts.
097THREATENING-POLITEWelcome! Make yourself at home. Touch the thermostat once and you will never leave this home.
098SINCEREMy friend laughed at my joke and I am going to think about it warmly for the next decade.
099NERVOUSEverything's fine. The car made a noise. Cars make noises. That noise was new. We're fine. Probably.
100GLEEFULI returned the library book one whole day early and the satisfaction is, frankly, indescribable.
101MELODRAMATICMy straw fell into the drink. There is no recovering it. There is no recovering from this.
102SMUGI don't set alarms. My body wakes me at six because it respects me. Unlike certain other people.
103PARANOIDThe group chat went silent the second I left for lunch. That is exactly when they would do it.
104MENACINGYou forgot to save my number after three whole years. Smile. I have already memorized yours.
105TENDERYou split your very last fry with me. I will now defend you against any and all enemies forever.
106DEADPANI locked myself out again. The locksmith knows me by name now. We exchange holiday cards.
107MANICI bought a label maker and now NOTHING in this house is safe and EVERYTHING has a proper NAME!
108BETRAYEDThe machine took my dollar and gave me nothing in return. We had a deal. We had trust. We had history.
109GRANDIOSEI have changed the lightbulb. Yes, by myself. No, I won't be taking any questions at this time.
110OMINOUSSleep well in the guest room. Some people do. The wallpaper in there has, let's say, opinions.
111DEFEATEDI bought a planner to get organized. I have not opened it once. It is already January eleventh.
112PETTYI gave them directions to the slightly worse coffee place. A small revenge. A truly perfect one.
113WEEPINGThe grocery store rearranged the aisles. Nothing is where it was. I am lost, in every sense.
114COLDYou laughed at my idea in the meeting. I have a long memory and an even longer to-do list.
115ECSTATICThe doctor said I'm 'perfectly average' and I have never received higher praise in all my life!
116UNHINGEDI have three browser tabs of theories about my neighbor's suspiciously perfect lawn. He knows. He knows.
117CONSPIRATORIALHere's the whole secret to the meeting: nod slowly, say 'circle back,' never ever volunteer.
118OUTRAGEDThey started the movie without me. I was gone for ninety seconds. I trusted these people once.
119EXHAUSTEDI said 'you too' to a waiter who said 'enjoy your meal,' and now I simply must leave the country.
120PROUDI cooked something that wasn't pasta and nobody got sick. Frame it. This is my Mona Lisa.
121BITTERNo, please, tell me again how easy your commute is. I'll just sit here with my forty bridges.
122THREATENING-POLITESo glad you could make it. Quick question, with love: where exactly is my returned book?
123SINCEREYou waited in the rain so I wouldn't walk out alone. I think that's the whole point of people.
124NERVOUSI waved back at someone who was waving at the person behind me. I now live underground. It's fine.
125GLEEFULI guessed the password on the first try. I am a hacker. I am dangerous. Fear my enormous mind.
126MELODRAMATICThey folded the towels the wrong way. I have seen things tonight that cannot be unseen. Hold me.
127SMUGI read a whole book this month. A physical one. With pages. I'm basically a scholar now.
128PARANOIDSomeone clapped slowly at the end of my presentation. Was that support? Or a threat? Tell me honestly.
129MENACINGYou replied 'lol' to my entire paragraph. One day, when you least expect it, I will reply 'lol.'
130TENDERMy grandmother saved me the corner piece of the cake. I am the most beloved person currently alive.
131DEADPANThe fortune cookie said 'help, I'm trapped in a cookie factory.' Relatable. I felt deeply seen.
132MANICI cleaned one drawer and now I'm renovating the whole kitchen at two in the afternoon, completely alone!
133BETRAYEDAutocorrect changed it again and now my boss thinks I'm a poet of pure rage. Et tu, phone?
134GRANDIOSEI remembered the password without resetting it. Raise the monument. Compose the anthem. Weep openly.
135OMINOUSLovely house you've moved into. Just don't go in the basement after dark. Or, honestly, ever.
136DEFEATEDI set seven alarms. I have defeated all seven. The alarms and I are both, now, very tired.
137PETTYI'll be the bigger person. But quietly, internally, I am keeping a list, and you are right on it.
138WEEPINGThe last episode ended and now there is nothing. Just me, the credits, and an enormous aching void.
139COLDYou took credit for my idea. Smile for the camera. I've already started writing your goodbye card.
140ECSTATICThe elevator was waiting open the very moment I arrived! I have been chosen! The whole day is mine!
141UNHINGEDI named the pigeons on my balcony and assigned them government roles. Dave runs the treasury now.
142CONSPIRATORIALYou didn't hear it from me, but the 'broken' copier just needs to be quietly told it's special.
143OUTRAGEDThey cut me off in traffic and then waved like we're friends. We are enemies now. Generationally so.
144EXHAUSTEDI've run out of polite ways to say no. From here on, I simply walk slowly into the sea.
145PROUDI folded a fitted sheet into a shape. Not the right shape. A shape. Honor me anyway, please.
146BITTEROh, your kids 'just sleep through the night'? How nice. Mine treats 3 a.m. like a music festival.
147THREATENING-POLITEYou're always welcome here. Truly. Now kindly tell me who let the dog up on the good couch.
148SINCEREA stranger said my coat was nice and I have decided to become a better person because of it.
149NERVOUSI think I just agreed to host the party. I don't recall saying yes. I said yes, didn't I. I did.
150GLEEFULMy team won trivia and I answered one question. ONE. But it counts. It absolutely, completely counts.
151MELODRAMATICThe avocado was perfect for exactly one hour and I missed it. Such is the terrible cruelty of fate.
152SMUGI meal-prepped on Sunday. I'm a functioning adult. Gaze upon my labeled containers and despair.
153PARANOIDWhy did the cat suddenly leave the room? Cats know things. That cat knows something. Watch it closely.
154MENACINGYou said you'd 'definitely come' and then you didn't. I keep a ledger. Your name glows faintly red.
155TENDERYou texted just to say you saw a dog that looked like me. This, I think, is true intimacy.
156DEADPANI trained for a marathon. Then I didn't run it. The training, however, made for a lovely story.
157MANICI learned ONE chord on the guitar and now I'm a musician and EVERYONE is hearing my whole journey!
158BETRAYEDThe 'all you can eat' place closed early on me. They lied in the very name of their establishment.
159GRANDIOSEWitness! I have untangled the headphones! With my own two hands! Strike a coin in my honor!
160OMINOUSHelp yourself to anything in the fridge. Anything but the jar at the very back. We don't open that one.
161DEFEATEDI tried to be spontaneous and it gave me anxiety, so I've scheduled my spontaneity for Thursday.
162PETTYThey didn't say thank you when I held the door. So I will hold a grudge instead. Warmly. Snugly.
163WEEPINGI dropped my ice cream and a small child watched it happen. We both knew. We both, briefly, wept.
164COLDYou 'forgot' to invite me. How convenient for everyone. I, too, will be forgetting many upcoming things.
165ECSTATICThe barista gave me a free cookie because it was 'a little broken.' I've never once felt so chosen!
166UNHINGEDI've started narrating my life in a documentary voice and the documentary is getting dark, frankly.
167CONSPIRATORIALTell no one. The break room has one secret good chair. I move it. They have never once found it.
168OUTRAGEDSomeone left one single square on the toilet roll. One. A coward's act. A true monster's restraint.
169EXHAUSTEDI just want to lie face down on the floor for a while. Nothing's wrong. This, in fact, IS the plan.
170PROUDI returned the shopping cart to its little corral. I am, quietly, the moral backbone of this society.
171BITTERMust be nice to 'not really check email on weekends.' Some of us have forty-one unread feelings.
172THREATENING-POLITEWhat a darling little gathering. Now, gently, with love: who finished the wine and then lied about it?
173SINCEREYou saved me the aisle seat without being asked. I'll remember this when I sit down to write my memoirs.
174NERVOUSI laughed at the funeral. Not because it was funny. Because my brain is a traitor and also a clown.
175GLEEFULI sneezed and three strangers blessed me at once. I am surrounded by love. The world is, today, good.
176MELODRAMATICAutocorrect turned my heartfelt message into pure nonsense. The moment is dead now. Bury the moment.
177SMUGI don't need a recipe. I cook by instinct, vibe, and the quiet confidence of a man who never measures.
178PARANOIDThe elevator stopped on a floor and nobody got in. Somebody pressed that button. Somebody is planning something.
179MENACINGYou ate the slice I was clearly saving. I saw the crumbs. I see everything. Sleep lightly tonight, friend.
180TENDERMy dog waited by the door the entire time I was gone. I do not, in any way, deserve this animal.
181DEADPANThe therapist said I have 'a lot going on.' I paid real money for that. Worth every cent. Very insightful.
182MANICI had ONE coffee and now I've answered every email since 2021 and I'm crying and it feels GREAT!
183BETRAYEDThe trail sign said 'easy loop.' It was a mountain. It was a betrayal. The sign and I now have words.
184GRANDIOSEBehold the omelette! It did not break! Children will study this very morning in schools one day!
185OMINOUSOf course you can stay the night. Most guests do. Few of them, shall we say, mention leaving again.
186DEFEATEDI bought running shoes back in March. They are beautiful. They have never once touched the outdoors.
187PETTYThey cut in line, so now I'm walking very slowly in front of them. Justice is a long, slow stroll.
188WEEPINGOur wedding song came on in the grocery store and I completely lost it, right there by the bananas.
189COLDYou showed up an hour late with no text. I've already mentally moved to another city. So, goodbye.
190ECSTATICMy plant grew a NEW LEAF. A whole new leaf. I'm a parent now. Somebody pass out the cigars!
191UNHINGEDI made eye contact with my soup and now I'm not sure which of us is meant to eat the other.
192CONSPIRATORIALQuietly now: the boss never reads the second page. Put whatever you want on the second page.
193OUTRAGEDThey spoiled the ending. Casually. In line. For a movie I waited an entire year to see. Unforgivable.
194EXHAUSTEDI've been 'about to get up' from this couch for ninety minutes. This couch is, I suppose, my home now.
195PROUDI changed a tire today, by myself, and called no one. I am, essentially, a frontier legend now.
196BITTERSure, your flight was 'smooth and on time.' Mine had a baby, a long delay, and a man eating tuna.
197THREATENING-POLITEThanks ever so much for the feedback. I've written it down. I write everything down. Everything, always.
198SINCEREYou remembered my childhood pet's name from a story I told once. I would take a bullet for you, easily.
199NERVOUSI think I left the stove on. Or I didn't. I can't tell anymore. This is just my life now, constantly.
200GLEEFULI beat the toddler at peekaboo. He has no idea. To him, I simply vanished. I am a god to him now.